LIFE UPDATE.

So you all must be wondering what brings me back to the world of blogging right? Well I damn sure have missed it. There's just something about putting pen to paper or should I say fingers to keyboard that is so relaxing and don't get me wrong, this does not mean that my journey with youtube is stopping, in fact I'm in the middle of editing part 2 of my Dubai vlog so make sure you're subscribed to keep posted! As I was saying, I have really missed this part of my life and I guess a reason as to why I stopped was because I had nothing to write about and I probably still have nothing to write about but this evening, after finishing up an episode of The Vampire Diaries (which was amazing btw), I saw my blog's bookmark and thought that it's about time that I started typing again, so here I am. 

Now let me use one word to describe my life at the moment - STRESSED! 

School

As of this week, I have done 10 mock exams and my brain is absolutely fried, not to mention the 7 more exams I have this week. I have honestly been 'trying' to study my ass off for 'amazing' grades in these mocks, but now that I come to think about it, it's kinda unrealistic because I know for a fact that I haven't given my utmost attention to revising, and the exams I have done, make it a little difficult for me to come out in January with all A*s.  None the less I am also proud of the amount of revision I have managed to do because, it shows that a) I can do it and b) I have the motivation/dedication/determination and I know that those are a lot of claims, but I really do believe that if you set your mind to something, you will 95% of the time, be able to do it! Moving off the topic of exams, I gather that you all already know that I'm in year 11 and if not, you do know. I'm going to be sitting my GCSEs in the summer of 2017 (and we're back on the topic of exams) and I am nervous yet excited to have some qualifications that will allow me to move on and do something more with my life. Many know that I am a very education driven person and I do hope that I do well next year as it would be a bummer to try so hard for so long and fail but I am desperately scared of flunking maths. I don't know what it is about the subject that I find so daunting, but at the moment I am struggling a lot and my grades are reflecting my current situation (hence I'm dreading mock results day) And don't get me wrong, I'm considerably okay in the sense that I can do mental maths etc but calculating the volume of a frustum that has to have 50 ml of water running through it at 3.5 m/s not so much and unfortunately to my dismay, that is all GCSE maths consists of and much more. Don't even get me started on the fact that I have to know Macbeth, Jekyll and Hyde and An Inspector Calls inside out as well master comparing 15 power and conflict poems all before the month of May.

Youtube

Alhamdulillah I am so happy with the amount of support I have received in regards to my channel and I honestly do think that that is the main thing that keeps people going. It really does feel great to know that people want you to post and are actually watching, liking or reading what you're putting out so I guess a huge thank you is what I need to say! Despite this, I have been feeling rather unmotivated and it kills me to say that but unfortunately it's true. I mean everyone knows that I love makeup more than anyone but I guess every look I do is the same and that's because it is. I wear the same everyday makeup and I never do anything with eyeshadow unless I'm going to a party and plus my eye looks lack so much in comparison to all of these other girls. I really do think that I just need time to improve and I do intend on doing so when school gets a bit more manageable. Also I don't want to produce content that isn't of the best quality which is a bit of a struggle as I don't have proper lighting equipment or even a camera lol but in'sha'Allah as time goes on, things might change for the better. 

The Future

This is the scary part. I really don't know what I want to do. I'm 16 in a month. I've applied to a college and a sixth form. I know that I want to continue with my education hence I've chosen to take this step. Psychology. Sociology. French. History. Those are my (supposed) A Levels. I know a lot of people who have studied and enjoyed psychology and sociology and when I had my taster lessons so did I, so I'm excited to learn more and I guess history is history. It's something that I'm good at and I like studying it so I shall see where it takes me. And that brings me to French. I love French and I'm lucky enough to say that I'm actually good at it so I've made the crazy decision of trying to pursue it. A lot of people have already put doubts in my mind, telling me that it's going to be extremely difficult as if I don't know it already but I just want them to know that I'm serious and that if God wills it, I'll be decent enough to get my ass to Canada with it. Oh yeah, that's another dream of mine. For the last couple of years I've had the plan in my head that I'm going to study university in Canada, whether that be to do with French or not, but regardless I want to be there in 2020, living life happy and content. People may laugh at that idea and think that I can't get there but I really couldn't give two shits. Literally I have put myself out there on this social media platform to build something of myself with makeup and fashion and blogging or whatever and I know that can bring bad publicity as well as good, but to me what matters most is what I think of me and those who I care about most. 

I don't know what I'm doing at all but I'm just happy that I have the chance to if and when I want to. You never know what you're capable of until you try so maybe I should listen to my own advice. This post was a little bit of a ramble and I guess I just needed to get some bits and bobs off my mind, no-one could be reading this for all I know but oh well, hope you enjoyed reading :)